Caerus

By an anonymous student

Hi there, let me first introduce myself. I’m me, a UCG student, just another guy in the faculty. I won’t plug my name here, sorry about that, most of you don’t (and maybe even won’t) know who I am but some of you might find out who I am as you read on (whoever found out just keep it hush, okay?). Those who can’t be bothered to read further, thanks for the five seconds, see you around.

For the past few months my life has been quite interesting, in a positive way. Where do I start? Maybe from the fact that I have a very chill first block I guess? I didn’t have to do that much throughout the block in terms of academics. When it comes to working for the committee that I’m in however, it’s was quite a lot of work as always, but it was fun and I enjoyed it as I worked with an amazing group of people (plus our event was a major success, so it was worth it). Then I got to meet, talk, and get to know some new faces which was fun, meeting new peeps are definitely always interesting and I genuinely like a few of them. Lastly, I’m going to end it with the fact that I got to hang with my friends again after the summer break, I truly missed our banter and the dumb stuff we would do and say to each other. See? I wasn’t lying about how life has been positive for me. At least until it just crushed me down recently.

I was out with a friend the other night when I got a text from my mom that one of our family friends passed away due to cancer. It took awhile for me to process it to be honest, so me and my friend got our stuff done and I went home to calm myself down. Then I called my mom asking how she was, and she just burst into tears which was just insane for me as I had to keep my cool, I need to comfort my own mom here for goodness sake. After the call, I calmed down and informed my best friends about what happened and forced myself to go to sleep. 

The next day it hit me hard, I felt like shit. This was not the first time it happened, I lost my granddad in a similar situation. I was all the way in Groningen and he was on the other side of the world. I couldn’t see them when they were sick and I couldn’t be there to attend their funeral. It hurts. It hurts because I want to be there and because I care. I still really wish I could’ve been there, I should’ve, but it’s too late now. Although it was all going down a negative spiral, I am grateful that I have a group of friends here to support me, who helped me to get back on my feet, and most importantly helped me to move on. To all of you peeps, thank you.

I surrounded myself with heads and bodies the whole day as a way to cope with the whole situation, I was so afraid to be alone. After a long day at UCG presenting a project for a course, I managed to get my head to a quite positive state and went to the Halloween party (shout out to SOC) to get my mind off things. I had a great time at the party with my friends and with a particular someone. This particular someone, let’s call this person Tree (not an actual name of course), made my night 1000x better, we talked, we drank, we even had a balloon together, and overall just hung out. The best part of it though, I don’t think Tree realized that he/she was helping me out, a guy who is going through a rough time, by just spending time with me in a party. I don’t think Tree even realized it up until now. But hey, to you Tree, if you’re reading this, thank you.

Currently I am in my room, still trying to get over what happened. But I made a breakthrough, from being scared to be alone, I am now glad that I’m alone. I now have to cope with it by myself, as I can’t keep relying on people to cheer me up. Hence why this text exists. 

To any of you who is going through a rough time, either it’s a loss, a break up, just got rejected, home sick, not getting the grades you were hoping for, literally anything, I’d like to tell you that it hurts now but it gets better. There will always be someone that will help you and drag you out of that shitty situation that you’re in, even if they don’t realize that they’re doing so. 

To all of you, cherish every single moment that you can spend with the people that you care about. We don’t even know what’s going to happen in five minutes, so don’t take each second for granted. Show them that you appreciate them, show them that you care. Either it’s just by texting them, talking to them in person, giving them mental support to do university work, or just hang out with them, or anything, just show that they mean something to you. 

Lastly, positivity goes a long way. Always try to see the positive side of life and believe in yourself. You’re strong and resilient, I know you are. Don’t try to make up reasons to say otherwise, it’s pointless. So, keep it PMA okay? That’s Positive Mental Attitude in case you didn’t know. 

See you peeps around.

Sincerely,

Me

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